{{Quit Yanking My Chain!}}

So, I'm beyond frustrated, here's one of those not so butterfly and puppy dog posts. Sorry, if I don't vent I'm going to have a mental breakdown, seriously.

Don switched departments, and with this switch comes more money. However, for some reason they are really dropping the ball on someone signing this paperwork to get him more money. I asked him who had to sign it and he said X, ok well who tells X to sign it and he said Z (mind you X and Z are actual names, haha), so I said who tells Z and he said X. See my problem!?! X needs to get off his ass and do something. But X is making the money and his family doesn't have to worry about things like this. This could mean the world of difference to us. Like a house. But X doesn't realize this because he goes home to his house everynight and doesn't worry about anyone but himself. Typical management.

I lay awake at night thinking about what could be sold to make more money, what could be done to get our heads out of our asses. I wonder if things will ever be "right".

I cried on the way to work today, no big shocker, that's been happening for a few weeks. But I was thinking about my friend J, who committed suicide 4 years ago on her birthday. I thought about her daughter she left behind. I wondered who has her and is taking care of her. I wondered if the father stepped up. I facebooked him, he did. Thank god. He also got married, had another kid and the way it looks they are a loving little family. That made me happy.

But, all that got me thinking. I won't deny my past. It happened. There were a few attempts on my end of taking my life. I've got the scars to prove it. Back then, people would say "think about what your leaving behind" and my answer was "nothing." Ok, fast forward to today. I would have never got to hold my little man who is life. I wouldn't have seen Sam (my brother) grow up into an amazing young adult breaking powerlifting records and wanting to be a senator.

I guess where I'm going with this is... you never know what lies ahead. It may seem like nothing, but odds are there is something. It may be masked in bad things before clearing to show the good, but there's something there. Maybe this year I become a Scentsy director. Maybe this year Don gets his raise and we get a house. There's got to be something to look foward to, I just have to find it.

Well there you have it. I don't really feel better... but I'm glad I could just vent for a little bit.