{{Bigger Issues}}

I feel very guilty this morning. I had a bad morning. I ran out of bubble mailers, forgot I had to work everyday so I wouldn't be able to do my one important errand I had planned Thursday, was on E and had to get gas, ran out of printer ink, ect ect ect.

I found out that my friend had her little boy, a few months early, and they are praying that he does well.

It really made me snap into reality that my petty problems were nothing compared to theirs and I sat in my car at the grocery store bawling. I feel so bad for them and am sending many many many prayers their way.

I think I need to go home after my sessions, give little man a hug and thank God for what he has given me vs despite him for what prayers he hasn't answered.

{{Great Session}}

I did my first boudoir session today. It turned out awesome. I am LOVING the shots. It was just so relaxed and flowed nicely. I didn't know what to really expect, but it went really well. The girl loved the preview I sent so that's good. I'm really glad this went well. Defiantly something to consider doing more of. I have another in a week so we'll see how that goes.

Have a great night everyone!

{{60 Day Challenge}}

As some of you know, I did a fitness challege with my good friend a few months ago. I lost approx. 13 pounds, but had SO much more to go. I haven't been able to join any of her recent challenges but told myself I didn't need to, I would do it on my own. Well that hasn't happened. Then work announced they are doing a 60 day challenge. I contemplated it for days before deciding I just NEEDED to.

So, that said... starting Feb 6th (that's when the challenge starts), I will be doing blog updates on Mondays about the total loss, what I did that week, ect. Monday the 6th will be putting up numbers for the starting point, which I am not ashamed (well maybe a little) to publicily announce, but I'll get over it. I need accountability, and having to blog it will give me that. I also need to get back on my fitness pal. That I will start today.

Here's to a new challenge and committment. I even put a tracker over there on the blog! ~~~>

{{Wednesday Wrap Up}}

Ok, for those of you keeping track of my journey. Are there any of you? LOL. Let's do Wednesday wrap up. This is the update to what's been going on in previous blogs.

1. Hair Drama - I'm good! I'm loving the new sock bun. I'm loving the curls. I'm loving the new ideas.
2. Motherhood Mayhem - While the thought of leaving it long kills me, I think he'll have long hair for a while.
3. DIY - Yeah, I'm slacking on this. I found the frame... just have to find the funds to buy it and then create it.
4. In Too Deep - I've decided to keep going with all 3 projects. We'll find a perfect balance... eventually.
5. Color My World - The cake was amazing and I can't wait to make another. My next house better have a bigger kitchen.

So, there you have it. Wednesday wrap up.

{{Motherhood Mayhem}}

Ok, so we had little man's first hair cut booked this weekend. After the paychecks came in vs. bill ratio we decided to cancel. $25.00 for a first hair cut? Really?!

My problem now is that he still needs a hair cut. So..... do I do it myself? (Keep in mind my hair drama lately), leave it, or try and find somewhere else?

This is silly, but I'm so stressed over it. I'm sure I can trim it........ sort of. Ugh. Maybe I'll take my friends advice, never cut it and have him look like a beach bum. >.<

{{Hair We Go Again}}

So.... hi!!! *waves*
Yeah, my hair DID NOT go as planned. I look like I fell outta the 80's vs out of the ocean. BUT! Do not despair! I found a different idea.

Has anyone tried the Sock Bun to make curls idea? See it here.

Not only does this look simple..... but..... it looks like it could actually work. I am amazed. And will be trying this tonight. My only concern is all the women I see do this have long hair. I have medium hair, but I'll give anything a try once (except sushi).

Back to the drawing board. Scentsy training call today at 11. Got some errands to do. Blah. Happy Tuesday!

**UPDATE! I have my hair in the sock bun, and let me tell you, if nothing else THIS is a cute style in it's own!!!!**

 

**UPDATE** I took it out early because I HAD to know if it was working.... 

Ok well if I would have left it in longer it would have worked better, but it was super cute. I put it up longer in hopes of it looking fab by tomorrow morning for work!

{{Project 52 :: Week 4 :: Imperfections}}

This weeks theme is Imperfections. I saw this quote and wanted to play off it.

I don't know why I liked the quote, but I did.

And watching Sam rip duct tape off his face was funny. Win Win.

{{Hair Drama}}

Ok, I am a piece of work. No lie. This is a photo of me... this morning.

I don't do my hair. Honestly. It's either down or in a pony tail, most days in a pony. I envy those girls who can pull off the really messy but cute look. I envy those girls who look like a stylist came in their home every morning to do their hair. I don't own hair styling products because I don't style my hair. Ha. I own hairspray for some reason. I have a hair dryer, and a curler I've used maybe 3x. Ugh. I was going to get a loose perm to get curly hair everyday without the effort, but the last time I permed my hair it took 4 years to get it grown out. I won't do that again.

I am a hair disaster. I'm sooo not a girly girl. I had to google to how properly apply eye make up a few weeks ago. My mom never really taught me about this stuff. So frustrating. I need a look. BAD

{{Boudoir and More}}

I've gotten a lot of interest in doing boudoir photo sessions this year. I've got a couple booked, and am starting to wonder if I should add it to my "line-up" of session types. I'm not uncomfortable with the idea. I feel everyone should have a "sexy" picture of themselves to make them feel good. I would totally do a session if I could find someone to do one for less than the prices I've seen ($200-300). I would rather I be a little skinnier, but this is me. I've lost weight, and feel I look ok. I'm excited to see how these couple I booked go. I have a lot of ideas in mind, got some tasteful props, and am willing to shoot whatever the client is comfortable with.

I have a feeling photography is going to be a huge deal this year. I have a bunch of people having newborns, so I'll get to tackle that avenue a little more. I'm excited. I'm excited for new opportunities.

{{Coloring My World}}

Well, I've been feeling a little gray lately. Not so colorful, so I decided to have some fun and make something colorful. =)

 

I made white cake batter and mixed in food coloring.

 

Poured them into the pan, one on top of the other to look like this

 

Colored the frosting

 

And wala!!!

 

Very delicious, fun, and COLORFUL! It cheered me right up.

AND I decided while little man is learning his colors, I will make colored cupcakes for him to learn with 

I'm super pleased it turned out and VERY happy I got to use my new pink hand mixer!

<3

{{In Too Deep}}

Ever find yourself in a situation you are in too deep to get back out of? I am currently sitting in that position with three things in life. I love them all, and I put my heart and soul into them, but I don't know if I can do it anymore. These three things have caused me so much stress in the last month, that I feel as though my world is collapsing. I feel I'm missing time with my family, I'm spending too much money, and I'm not seeing the benefits at this time.

I just don't know how to get out. I feel like I am suffocating, and I have no idea how to fix it.

{{Quit Yanking My Chain!}}

So, I'm beyond frustrated, here's one of those not so butterfly and puppy dog posts. Sorry, if I don't vent I'm going to have a mental breakdown, seriously.

Don switched departments, and with this switch comes more money. However, for some reason they are really dropping the ball on someone signing this paperwork to get him more money. I asked him who had to sign it and he said X, ok well who tells X to sign it and he said Z (mind you X and Z are actual names, haha), so I said who tells Z and he said X. See my problem!?! X needs to get off his ass and do something. But X is making the money and his family doesn't have to worry about things like this. This could mean the world of difference to us. Like a house. But X doesn't realize this because he goes home to his house everynight and doesn't worry about anyone but himself. Typical management.

I lay awake at night thinking about what could be sold to make more money, what could be done to get our heads out of our asses. I wonder if things will ever be "right".

I cried on the way to work today, no big shocker, that's been happening for a few weeks. But I was thinking about my friend J, who committed suicide 4 years ago on her birthday. I thought about her daughter she left behind. I wondered who has her and is taking care of her. I wondered if the father stepped up. I facebooked him, he did. Thank god. He also got married, had another kid and the way it looks they are a loving little family. That made me happy.

But, all that got me thinking. I won't deny my past. It happened. There were a few attempts on my end of taking my life. I've got the scars to prove it. Back then, people would say "think about what your leaving behind" and my answer was "nothing." Ok, fast forward to today. I would have never got to hold my little man who is life. I wouldn't have seen Sam (my brother) grow up into an amazing young adult breaking powerlifting records and wanting to be a senator.

I guess where I'm going with this is... you never know what lies ahead. It may seem like nothing, but odds are there is something. It may be masked in bad things before clearing to show the good, but there's something there. Maybe this year I become a Scentsy director. Maybe this year Don gets his raise and we get a house. There's got to be something to look foward to, I just have to find it.

Well there you have it. I don't really feel better... but I'm glad I could just vent for a little bit.

{{Week 3:: Project 52}}

Inspiration

 

Week 3: Inspiration

My husband and son inspire me and give me the inspiration to make myself a better person and to do everything I love 110%

{{Going A Little Mad?}}

Ok, so let's face it. I've accepted there will be no house buying within the next 4-5 years. Where I found this to be a very negative stress filled event, I have found a way to find the good in the situation. Pinterest. I have decided for the next 4-5 years I'm going to focus on creating rooms in my head. What do we want in a bedroom? Maybe we want a canopy bed. Maybe we want a chandelier in the bedroom. Just because. I know I want the kitchen to have a wall of chalkboard paint so that we can plan the menu on it, or make a calendar!

I can spend the next 4-5 years looking at paint colors, deciding on themes, and planning. This way, when we are ready to move in, it will basically be go buy the paint and make my 5 year vision come to life.

Now, mind you I JUST started thinking about this 10 minutes ago while looking for DIY projects on Pinterest, but I have managed to take a very stressful thing in my life and make it fun. =)
I'm pretty proud about that.

{{Snow!}}

Ok, so I HATE snow. I hate winter, cold, snow, ice, sliding around in the car, shoveling, ect. I hate winter. But I didn't complain once today (like I said I wouldn't) about the snow we got this morning. I feel we got very spoiled up until now, and let's face it.... 5 inches? That's nothing Wisconsin. Anyone remember the 13inches over night last year??? Yeah, I'll take this 5. So, I put my game face on, brushed off car, slid to work and didn't complain once. Pretty proud of myself.

Made a good supper last night, however Don didn't like it. Can't please them all I suppose. He hates chicken and it had a lot of chicken going on in it. I thought it was amazing.

Photographing KHS Powerlifting tomorrow. Team photos, coach photos, and kids lifting photos. Gonna be a long day. **Kym this is your reminder to pack the SD cards!**

It's Friday the 13th! I LOVE Friday the 13th (the day, not the movie).
Have a great day! <3

{{Project 52 :: Week 2 :: LIFE}}

Ok, so here's what I came up with for the theme, Life. Sadly it didn't really work out as planned. You can't tell, but I placed objects to represent the spaces. Get married (wedding rings), baby boy (pacifier), ect.

Well, I'll give it another go with next weeks theme and see what I come up with. (I won't know the theme til Sunday).

{{So, Tell Me...}}

So, a friend sent me this "survey" and said I should fill it out and blog it. Ummm, sure why not! I've got nothing better to do.

1 ~ Your life is a movie! Which movie is it and which character are you?
Easy. "Confessions of a Shopaholic" and I'm playing Rebecca Bloomwood. I seriously have a VERY bad shopping habit. The first time I saw this movie and she was talking about retail therapy and how the shops make her feel better, I was like oh my word, that's ME! I think my whole family is complusive shoppers and hoarders, so I don't feel alone, but I do wish I could stop. hahha. I bet some shrink out there specializes in it.

2 ~ This song/band comes on the radio and you automatically turn it not thinking.
FOO FIGHTERS! UGH! Really?!? Could there EVER be a worst band. Are they even a band. Group?

3 ~ What is on your "to-do list" in life. Your bucket list, per say.
Well, what don't I want to do? Oh, I never have any desire to travel outside the country. Shocker I know. I just don't. Places out of the USA scare me for some reason. I do want to travel a lot more of the US. More so the West coast. I would kill to go to California or go to Vegas. Right now my main goals are getting a house, getting finances squared away, and getting Parker into activities like hockey and such.

4 ~ What's a movie you could watch over and over and never get sick of?
Well, there is 4 off the top of my head.
1. Twister. LOVE Twister. Hardcore. I know all the lines, and it ticks everyone off when we watch it and I say the lines before it happens. So funny.
2. Clerks and Clerks 2. I say these together because let's face it, they go together. And they crack me up EVERYTIME. 
3. Superbad. I don't know what it is about it but it's hilarious.
4. THEM! There's something about mutant ants, old school special effects, and black and white that work together in this flick.

5 ~ Where would you rather be right this second?
New Orleans. I went there a few times while dating a guy from there, and left a piece of my heart. I would like to find it again. I believe it's near the French Quarter. (And no, I'm not talking about the guy!) I LOVE that city. I love the buzz around it (which is weird because I hate busy, noise, fast paced places), I love the shops, the sounds, the music, the lights. EVERYTHING. I can't explain it.

Well there you have it folks!
Thanks for reading!

{{Life}}

I am very excited for a few things this week.

First, I have decided what I want to do for my photo this week for Project 52. I am not going to be releasing the photo until Wednesday night/Thursday morning, but it's going to be good. At least I envision it awesome, now to just make that a reality. I'm up for the challenge. The theme is "life".

Second, this sounds so silly, but my Scentsy track pants came. They are like sweatpants. I'm so excited to start working out again in them. Speaking of which, I made a workout date with a co-worker for next Tuesday after work. We have free workout room, should probably start using it. It just has lame hours, esp for me who works 6am-5pm.

Third, took little man to the doctor for those horrible red lines on his cheek that weren't going away, and those are just scratches, and should go away with time. Not sure how they can be scratches, when they don't break the surface, but whatever. Yay! I just had to know nothing was wrong for piece of mind.

Have a great Tuesday!

{{Back in The Grind}}

Well, I had my first session since the end of November yesterday, it was nice to get back into it. I was nervous all day (as I usually am before a session) but it went without a flaw. Here is the image the mommy said I could share (only this one).

I love this photo. The simplicty in it, and SOOC, no editing.

I did some minor marketing for sessions by offering Valetine's Mini-Sessions. WOW, that got some response. I booked 5 sessions yesterday and today (not just mini's either). The next couple weekends will be hopping again. But, I think I like that idea. It was SO nice to have something to work on last night after little man went to bed.

Also, theme 2 for my Project 52 I'm involved in is life. I took this photo thinking it would be my submission, but the more I think about it, it represents my old life. I need to find a better photo to represent, but I do love this photo A LOT.

I have a couple ideas to represent life, so I'll work on that this week.
Happy Monday!!!

{{Click, Click}}

So, I'm behind the lens again today for a maternity session. Like always I have my "storyboard" written out. I always jot down pose ideas, and stuff, so that I can keep the process flowing without standing there wondering what to do next. This is usually only applicable for the indoor sessions since often times those are more "posy".

Sadly, I will not be able to show any of this photos on my website, fan site, or here. The couple is very selective on who gets to see those photos and although they sign authorizations saying I can use the photos they have requested I not. So, I'll respect that to avoid aggravation. We went through this with their couples session last summer, and although everyone said I can use them because they signed the paperwork saying I could, I have chose not to. Even thought they were some of the best photos I have ever taken.

I don't know how I feel about being "off vacation" from photography. I feel like I am excited but at the same time, this begins the stress of getting everything done in a timely manner and constant worry about if the client will like them. A lot of stress happens for me with a session. I think I need to work on not being my own worst critic, and understand you can't please everyone. I've only had 3 very displeased clients, and well there's a mile long list of things involved in those sessions. The fact remains, those 3 can not drag me down, in fact I kinda forgot about them until now. Hmm...

Have a lovely Sunday!

{{Pinterest}}

I have decided that I NEED to use Pinterest for the good. I am going to find a DIY project and do it. At least 1 every 6 months, I am HORRIBLE with DIY so, I really need to have 6 months for a time frame for one. I have until June to do this:

It's a metal piece, framed, with magnets on the back of all your makeup and then hung so it's easy to find, use, ect. Here is the current makeup situation:

I am hoping I can find a piece of metal at like Menards, find a frame at the antique store, paint it, and find magnets strong enough to hold at hobby lobby(?)

I am very excited for this...

{{Date (less) Night}}

Well, date night started out sketchy because Don was emailing me at work he wasn't feeling good. Ummm... ok. So, after realizing he really didn't (he got what I had last week) he managed to put on a smile and we went to Buffalo Wild Wings. It was yummy. I love the Electrik Lemonade.
We came home then and he wasn't feeling well still, so nothing really took place. I went to bed and watched Clerks 2, while he played his video game for a while. I guess it was nice to get out of the house without little man if nothing else. But it wasn't this awesome night I envisioned.

{{Wonderful Thursday... until supper}}

What a great day! Seriously. Pancakes for breakfast, shopping with little man, coloring, surprise gift, and figuring out supper/making supper. I had a GREAT day. I thought my day could be showed better in photos than words.

Little man LOVED the color wonders markers. He colored a picture for my desk (YAY!), daddy and grandpa.

My surprise present from a good friend, which not only was SO thoughtful, but SO helpful. This book rocks! It should be titled "Cooking for the Complete Moron" but it's so uncritical to my lack of knowledge! hahhaa

This was supper, and although it looks good..... it really wasn't. The meat was, but beyond that. I've also decided that (and I never thought I would think this) the kitchen must be bigger. This is silly. We have no counter space, no room to work. No wonder I don't want to cook. Frustrating.

But this won't be the end of my cooking adventures. Don said "well babe, this was the first time you made any of this, so it's ok". No, it's not but thank you. We'll try again.



{{Mind of Matter}}

Ok, I know I said I was going to blog about why I needed a cookbook. I've decided not to. The fact remains, I need to get better about preparing meals and figuring out life time management. This came to my attention while I was at work yesterday and little man was being babysat by a good friend and ex-co-worker. Let's just say after all the good food she fed him I'm surprised he came home.

Ok, well he didn't want to come home. In fact, he cried hard when he got home for about a half hour. Made me feel like crap. He is at my friends for the month, because my sitter had surgery and needed a few weeks off. My friend is seriously mom of the year. She is watching little man, her daughter (4, already? sheesh time flies)  and her two 5 month old twins. Makes me exhausted thinking about it. But without her we would be so screwed so I am SO thankful she is able to multi-task.

When I came back to work a year ago, I didn't cry. Ok maybe 2 tears. Litterally. I wasn't worried at all. So why am I constantly checking the phone for messages of panic, thinking of sending a message "is everything ok" after a half hour, when I KNOW my friend has this under control. I would trust her with my life, so why am I freaking out???

I'm kinda getting annoyed. There's no reason to freak out. Little man LOVES playing there with her daughter, and it's just a couple weeks (no more than 4 days a week, most 2 or 3). I really need to find myself in this so that the next month isn't spent staring at my phone like a weirdo. I think I'm more worried or my friend, because I know how little man can get, and I know I'd be in over my head, but again, I know she's fine.

{{Frustrations in Mommy World}}

Ok, so here is one of those not so butterfly and rainbow posts. But I have to get this off me before I crumble in self destruct.

I want to go back to work full weeks. Right now I work 10's and have Thursdays off, but as soon as Don gets his raise I want to go back to 8's, full weeks.

*hangs head in shame and bursts into tears*

I know that staying home with little man should be the greatest thing in the world, but I go CRAZY on the days I'm home with him. I don't know why. Is it the age? Would I enjoy it more if we could do craft projects, build things with blocks, and color? Right now I feel like I spend more time chasing him around making sure he's not eating cat food, touching the heater, or god knows what else that by the time Don get's home I just want to hand him over, lock myself in our room, and do NOTHING.
I feel horrible about this.
Do I not make any rash decisions about work for a few more months and see if things get better as he gets older?
I'm so at a loss on this. Help?

{{Baby Blues}}

A lot of my friends and I had babies around the same time. I've heard a handful of them say they are ready for another. Really? I'm not in any shape, way, or form criticizing your decision, I'm just scared I'm going to start getting the question, "when are you having another?"

Ummmmm... well..... to be honest.... we're not.

For the time being (and as long as we are living here) there will be no talk of babies. In fact the talk we had ended up being, we love Little Man and don't really want to start all over. He's out of formula (BF was an epic fail despite my 2 months of trying, which I feel I deserve some credit for even that.)

At the very earliest, Little Man would have a sibling in 6-7 years. Hubs and I are planning ahead for life. We want to take him to Disney when he's 5 or 6. We want to travel with him. I was an only child for 10 years and don't get me wrong, my life would be nothing without my brother, but I feel we are being responsible in this. If we honestly can't afford another, don't have space for another and don't really want another, then I don't feel we should have one.

My mother (shockingly) is game for this plan. She said she was perfectly happy with just me for 10 years. I mean she loves my brother (I believe more than me sometimes) but she would have been happy with me.

So with that said... there won't be baby blues or baby talk for the Carlson's. Little man is our world and we are focusing on him and ourselves for the next few years.

{{Never A Dull Moment}}

Don and I enjoy looking at the http://damnyouautocorrect.com/ because let's face it... it's pee yourself funny.
Today while I was laying in bed waiting for him to make a decision if we are going shopping or not, this took place:

Possibly the funniest thing today. I never thought it could happen to us, but apparently Auto - Correct is out to get everyone eventually.
Hope your having a good New Years Day!

{{Happy New Year}}

Well, it's January 1st! That means it's time to start over. Sadly, I start the new year very sick. However I'm hoping to not let get me down.
Today started the Project 52. The first theme was resolution. Here was my submission.

I will be spending the day working on the powerpoint for the December review for my team, taxes for Scentsy, and more operation living room overhaul. Must find some motivation even though I'm sick.

Have a wonderful 2012!